The real truth* about Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong fucking murdered and ate this kitten.

"I ate seven kittens today!"

"Wait, you ate what?"

"Bro! Toss me a kitten!"

"This is not what I meant. Fucking French."

"Feed me kittens! Rawr!"

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty!"

"I wonder if ferrets taste like kitten."

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* By "real," I mean "completely made up."